I remember a year in my early twenties, I don’t remember which year exactly, but it was around 2003 let’s say. During the course of that year something happened to me twice: I was told that I don’t chew gum. Yes, specifically that. Two times within a year, or close to it, I was chewing gum and someone who I felt knew me pretty well saw me chewing gum and reacted with surprise saying “You don’t chew gum!” One was my father, one was a close friend. They both saw me chewing gum and it clashed with their view of how I am supposed to act.

Even at the time, I thought it was strange. I was demonstrably chewing gum both times they said it. They were clearly and provably wrong. But it got into my mind that I’m not the kind of person who chews gum. So I stopped. It’s one of the very few times that peer pressure got to me, because it was insidiously packaged not as someone encouraging me not to chew gum, but simply stating that I didn’t.

Anyway, that father and that friend are both gone from my life now, and I’m a middle-aged man who is trying to find some way to pull his shattered mental self together. What have I got to lose by chewing gum? It turns out I enjoy it. It comes in flavours! It can be minty or taste like watermelon or whatever! That’s cool! It makes my teeth feel nice! I think it actually even helps me focus a bit!

Patrick D Ryall is a gum chewer! Update your file!

As you know, this has been a year of me getting caught up on going to the dentist after several decades out of the game. With each visit I made, I was impressed by the advances in technology that had been made since my childhood, but all the while I felt like something was missing.

Where were the Gleam Team?

I strongly remembered a team of anthropomorphic dental superheroes that existed on stickers and posters and stuff, but searching the Internet I could find nothing about them. Not even people thinking back about them and asking whatever happened to them.

Well, they existed, and today I did a deep dive into the files (aka pile of papers and binders) that I have kept since my childhood and I found the proof!

A sticker showing the team charging out of… a pocket I guess? Like, is it a dental hygienist’s pocket? I guess so. If you’d asked me to describe the team, they would have basically been thus, though in my mind I think they had donned capes, making them more like traditional superheroes. We’ve got a big molar guy, a floss guy, a toothbrush girl, and a toothpaste guy. Probably they had names, though I don’t remember them. Let’s ignore how most of them are tools and one is an actual tooth and just respect them for trying.

Maybe this will end up like my post on Strand-Man, where my site is seemingly the only information on the topic and it gets more hits than anything else on here. Or maybe nobody but me ever had any memory of these guys to begin with. Either way, I’m doing my part. Certainly the fact they were apparently produced by the Nova Scotia Department of Health and Fitness suggests a more limited reach than a product that was probably sold across the country and maybe beyond.

As I’ve noted, this has been a summer of dental work for ol’ PDR. Well, just yesterday I got my final cavity filled. I may not have as many teeth as I did last year, but the ones I do have left are free of holes.

Now, I’m tempted to think “Well, with that taken care of, I can clearly go another 25 years without going to the dentist.” But that would be foolish. I’m going to make an earnest effort next year, when I have money again, to get in there for a checkup.

I’m gonna try.

Behold the teeth of a man who had not been to the dentist in twenty-five years!!!

Today I underwent a procedure to have two of my teeth removed. It went pretty well. One of the teeth was extremely stubborn coming out, and yet it was still only half an hour or so. I had expected more of a hassle. Even the people working there were very nice.

But man this stuff they used to freeze my face has done its job. It feels extremely weird even now, about an hour later. I almost want it to wear off so I can deal with normal pain instead of weird tingling. I may regret that later today, but for now, that feels like what I’d want.

For the record, I did not get to keep the teeth. They had to be shattered to pieces to get them out of there. Still, they will not be forgotten.

Haiku!

Two loyal molars.
They chewed things well for decades.
Heroes of the jaw.

Anyway, I have cavities being filled next month, so until then, that’s probably it for teeth.

If I run my finger along my forehead I can feel this line or ridge or something that makes me wonder if my skull doesn’t some kind of crack-like thing on the front there. Like something out of a Halloween cartoon.

I am wondering about this right now because in less than ten hours I will be going in to get two of my molars removed. That is definitely the sort of thing that makes one’s skull look subtly but significantly different.

It’s definitely going to be strange having two molars gone. I’m gonna have to re-learn to chew, basically. But these molars served me well for as long as they could, and to celebrate them I bought two Skor bars earlier in the week so their final days on the job would really show how good they were. Farewell, teeth! I don’t know what they do with the teeth once their removed. I kinda hope that they let me keep them.