William Shakespeare is a pretty good writer, especially considering he comes from a family primarily known for its awkward use of weaponry.

I wonder if we’ll ever discover a way to translate French into English. It probably won’t happen in my lifetime, but it’s fun to imagine.

Every day I look at Twitter and “Stegosaurus” isn’t trending, I am reminded of how much I can’t relate to most people in the world.

People think dolphins are great, but what can they do that I can’t? Apart from make those clicking noises. And jump through hoops. And swim.

If Google is correct, nobody has ever parodied “Amazing Grace” with “Ham Glazing Grace” in case anyone wants to get in on that.