I had a dream I was back in New York last week. It was pretty sweet. So anyway, here’s some more memories of my trip there in November:

Around Central Park, some guy came up to me and told me he was selling a CD he’d made. I figured, hey, I could give that to Marq, I could. He’s the type of guy what would be interested in music stuff some random guy came up with (Kiiip meanwhile got a keychain with a sexy fireman). Anyway, here is what the album cover looked like:

So anyway, I paid five or seven bucks (I don’t remember which) and that was that. Eventually I came home and since I didn’t see Marq for like a month after my return, the CD just sat on my filing cabinet innocently. Then, when I finally do see him and give it to him, he tries it and finds out that it is way blank. It’s a blank CD. Guy is totally just scamming folk into buying a blank CD.

It’s a brilliant scheme, really. Buy a stack of CDs, throw some album cover on there and tell people you made some music. But what really makes it work is the bizarre and even confusing level of detail. The fact that he threw a twitter address on there? That’s awesome. The adorable little kid holding something (a cucumber?) and apparently having been awarded second place in some event (cucumber championship?) is also pleasing because of how nonsensical it was. And the fact it is labelled “Part 2” (or is that Part 0.2?). It is so much detail for a completely pointless cover. You could get as much of an effect with an album cover consisting of white text on a black background, probably, but this guy went above and beyond.

I can even forgive “alot” being one word and “N” being used for “and”. The whole money-grubbing theme of the title, which I had considered unfortunate at first, makes perfect sense as part of the scam. Basically, I’m saying, this being a scam is probably a far better present for Marq than an actual CD would have been.

The only drawback I can see is that maybe he will make people less trusting of actual people trying to sell actual music they’ve actually made. But y’know what? Screw those guys. They should stop trying to live their dream and get jobs that will help society. Like selling neckties or something.

Anyway, while I’m on the topic of my trip, I remembered something else that occurred while I was in New York. It goes a little something like a this:

I was at FAO Schwartz (the toy store where Big danced on a big keyboard) and I saw massive Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for sale. Like, huge. When I picked it up, it was heavier than a hardcover phone book. It was two cups, each the size of one of those frozen chicken pies they have at the grocery store. So, I saw these and I was like “I’m buying that thing and I’m going to eat it with my mouth!” so I took it and when I got to the register I was told it would cost like TWENTY-FIVE Dollars!!! (!) Now, I ask you. What is the real scam here, that guy selling the fake album, or candy so prohibitively expensive that it makes any hatred that poor countries feel toward us entirely justified?

Anyway, I still bought it of course. The day that I got it, one of them was the only thing I ate, it filled me so much. It was deliciously disgusting. If you ever want to cure someone of a Reese addiction, force them to eat one of those. By the end of that first cup, I never wanted to eat another item of food in my life. With the second cup I took my time and it lasted a couple more days and didn’t make me hate myself as much. So twenty-five bucks is one expensive candy, but it did last three days. Weigh the options and see which is more important to you. I think I can only give Giant Reese’s Cups Three out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake, because that’s about a perfect representation of their balance between horrible and wonderful.

Made at 4:30 in the morning in the Halifax Commons while listening to Led Zeppelin. Because if I didn’t do it, who would?

So, if you’re PDR and you can’t get to sleep and you already a long rambling post-thing the previous day, what do you do?

You make an album cover!

Who forgot that PDR was in a band? Probably not as many who never knew. A large part of that is probably because of the non-existent state of the band and that the band’s front-man, PDR, is not musically talented in ANY WAY! But nonetheless, I’ve had my Senator Lizard T-shirt for years and that makes it a real band. That’s a fact.

I think I might try to pump out a new album cover every couple of months. Easier than making effin’ music.

Potentially worth noting, the album cover depicts me in character as Otis Durning, from the Secret Government Robots prelude story thing that I did. And I did create the song “March of the Abominable Hairman” for the credits of this video, even if I did it by literally randomly clicking in whatever program it was I used to make it. And both those posts have the word “monster” in the title. Weird.

There’s some song that’s all like “All you little pigs doin’ kung fu flips better run, better run, up jump tha boogie” but those might not really be the words but I don’t care. Anyway, I heard it a couple times. It was in Fright Night and then I heard it on the radio. That’s the whole story. I just wanted my version of the lyrics on the Internet.

Haiku!

People need more time
or they’ll never get it done.
They can’t move that fast.

Speaking of songs I botch the lyrics to, I’m pretty sure that Return to Innocence by Enigma has become the song I sing most often in the shower, replacing Runaway by Del Shannon (though I technically sing the Me First and the Gimme Gimmes version tempo-wise). The difference is that I know the words to Runaway, but with my new song I just try to do the chanting. Now you all know more about my showering times. Your Welcome!

Awwww yeah. This is the real stuff right here.

This time we’ve got the story of how a guy called James, nay, Smith (You’d think that they wouldn’t use the take where they messed up his name on the first try) went to America and invented basketball, apparently as a way to entertain all the moustachioed dudes with suspenders. Right on. As I’ve mentioned before, all I really want from these Parts of My Heritage is for them to be embedded into my brain so that I can reference them throughout my life. Well, we’ve got referencability coming out all over the place in this one. “But I need these baskets back,” alone is but several other lines are suitably memorable. Oh, and also the music is pretty sweet. Plus, basketball apparently had tackling and a vastly more comical form of dribbling? I totally approve, pretty much all around.

This one goes all the way. A classic that totally deserves Five out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. But who is the dude watching Peach Basket guy retrieve the ball?