Probably the worst thing about the Cold War is that we can’t use the word “Comrade” anymore.

2:20 AM - 25 Aug 2014

PDR’s Online Dating Profile: Likes: Cartoon depictions of the sun wearing sunglasses. Dislikes: We all keep getting closer to being dead.

3:01 PM - 20 Aug 2014

I’ve gotten caviar on the ermine rug in my limousine again! I hope the cleaning place will take my coupon to get fifty cents off.

5:34 AM - 13 Aug 2014

If a man says “I promise, I’m not lying” #HeReallyMeans “Is there a store that lets you ride an ostrich?” (or an emu.)

5:13 AM - 06 Aug 2014

When a guy says “You look fine” #HeReallyMeans “What was the name of the bad guy in Ghostbusters 2 again?” (Vigo the Carpathian)

5:09 AM - 06 Aug 2014