People think sharks are dangerous, but if one was coming after me, I’d just do a leg sweep to trip it, then put it in handcuffs. No problem.

I don’t think I saw a single dog today, so now I’m going to go to sleep wondering what was the point?

I just told a girl named Kara “That’s Superman’s sister’s name.” She must think I’m an idiot. Kara is his cousin.

Animal Fact: Most of the time, snakes don’t sneak into your house and pose as electrical cords. Most of the time.

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