When I get to death row, I hope that the let me choose @twix for my last meal. It’s like two last meals in one wrapper.

1:21 AM - 27 Jul 2015

It’s weird how even now, in the 21st Century, nobody can explain how boats work. Truly they were an invention from a magical age.

12:15 AM - 25 Jul 2015

Reminder: Data stored in paintings can expire after a few centuries, so be sure to back up your paintings.

11:59 PM - 19 Jul 2015

If I may play Devil’s Advocate for a moment, would it be so bad if Earth exploded? I’d never have to hear the word “lifehack” again.

8:06 PM - 17 Jul 2015

Pluto looks fine and all, but Neptune is the prettiest planet. Tell NASA to get me more pictures of Neptune.

4:38 PM - 14 Jul 2015