What are the odds that the stupid Earth’s shadow would get in the way just as I was trying to see the eclipse?

Anyone know where on the Internet I can find stats on how often boxing matches are postponed because the audience wasn’t ready to rumble?

This is the social media post that will come back to haunt me when I try to get into public office:

I got a butt. I hide it in my pants.

I just went to the store and bought only a dollar worth of watermelon slices and three dollars of sour candy shaped like watermelon slices.

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