This time we’re looking at some Natives who are gathering maple sugar from some maple trees when some white folk come along and are all like “Wha happen?” so the Natives share their syrup secrets and the newcomers profit.
I guess there’s some stuff to like in there. There’s that one kid who totally hides behind a tree for no apparent reason. I like the one guy who is like “hoo hoo!” And there’s some doggies. And is it me or does that one woman toward the beginning totally look like she’s thinking “Oh, there’s those European people. I guess we have to explain this to them now.” That’s amusing.
There is no fun quotes in hear though. And that’s the bottom line. I like maple. It’s one of my favorite flavours (even though I’ve never done the whole Syrup on Snow thing), so I’m glad to see it put on a pedestal. Nonetheless, I can only give this one Two out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake.
This time we’ve got the story of how a guy called James, nay, Smith (You’d think that they wouldn’t use the take where they messed up his name on the first try) went to America and invented basketball, apparently as a way to entertain all the moustachioed dudes with suspenders. Right on. As I’ve mentioned before, all I really want from these Parts of My Heritage is for them to be embedded into my brain so that I can reference them throughout my life. Well, we’ve got referencability coming out all over the place in this one. “But I need these baskets back,” alone is but several other lines are suitably memorable. Oh, and also the music is pretty sweet. Plus, basketball apparently had tackling and a vastly more comical form of dribbling? I totally approve, pretty much all around.
This one goes all the way. A classic that totally deserves Five out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. But who is the dude watching Peach Basket guy retrieve the ball?
Half of this Canadian Propaganda Commercial is about a child freezing to death! Canada!
This one depicts a town that has too many sick people and not enough space to save them, right? So they all work together to make a hospital that provides its services for free. That’s nice. Although this Heritage Minute has none of the extreme quotability that I love for things for, it is about one of my favorite things about Canada, the free healthcare. That’s important in a country where kids freeze to death on a regular basis.
I also like the two guys who point out that since they’re the best builders in town, they can build a hospital. Of this, I approve. These aren’t two guys saying “we can build this hospital cheaper than anyone else in town,” because that would be insane. Who would want to live in a society where hospitals, or anything for that matter, was built by the people who can do it the cheapest? But anyway, I think I’m going to try to turn “We built the best barn, so we’ll build the hospital!” into something I can work into discussions. Hey, if I can fit “Oh Sire, until the end of time” into everyday conversation on a regular basis, I can do this.
But because that quote is not yet at the forefront of our culture, I can only give this one Three out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. It’s a rare case where I actually like the thing the Heritage Minute is about more than I like the Heritage Minute itself.
So there’s this professor who hates television So Much that he decides that the medium used to relay information is more important than the information relayed. Using this revelation that the “Medium is the Message” the professor decides that the content must be the audience. Becoming aware of the audience, he then breaks the forth wall to ramble at us with his crazy ideas. And I guess this guy is Canadian. Or else he wouldn’t be a Part of our Heritage now would he?
What? I saw this commercial dozens of times as a youth and I have no idea (zero actual idea) what the crazy professor is going on about. I’m sure that the idea that “the medium is the message” has some sort of meaning to people who have had it better explained, but it is not conveyed to me in this piece. It just sounds like he is “television is bad for you because the method used to educate and entertain someone is important and television is a bad method.”
I just don’t get it.
This one is weak. I can only give it One and a Half out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake because I only understand about 25% of what is going on in this one.
I don’t care what anybody else things, Mounties look awesome in the red outfits.
This time we’re looking at Superintendent Sam Steele, in action. He’s confronted with some American jerk comes along looking to make some quick monies in the Gold Rush and he is bringing some guns and gambling equipment into our fair nation with him. But see, Sam Steele, he’s the type of guy who does his job and does it without guns. Sam Steele uses his authority and his alliteration to get by. And by gum it works.
Aside from the line I’ve used incorrectly in the title and “Why didn’t I shoot him?” I guess there isn’t a lot of fun-to-quote lines, but hey it’s got a dapper moustachioed cop using peaceful tactics to keep his nation right. I like that. I like this one. I’m gonna go with Four and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. Meanwhile, I don’t know a single other thing about Superintendent Sam Steele. I bet Wikipedia has a page. Maybe I ought to check it out.
SIDEBURNS! The single most important aspect of this Canadian Heritage Minute is the sideburns. Ostensibly it is about Jenny Trout, who was the first woman licensed to practice medicine in Canada and the hassles she had to put up with in medical school from all the men who felt that women had no place there. I mean sure, it is good that women can be doctors and whatnot, but check out the sideburns! Especially on the Doctor McFarland guy. Those are things of beauty. I also love the idea of smacking desks and books as a means of showing disapproval. It’s so stupid that I could never take it seriously.
But the failing of this commercial is that it just doesn’t have any great quotable lines. There’s just nothing there that is fun to say. I do have to wonder about the one guy in the class who gets the most face time the others. Why does she throw the leaf at that one guy? Does she know that the camera has featured him more prominently? Is he like the boss of the misogynist students? Does he have some history with Mrs. Trout? There’s potential here for a deeper story. If only these commercials had sequels we could find out what happens when he tried to assassinate Trout only to get thrown out a window. And then she’d say “There’s no place for dumbasses in this school!” Now that’s quotable history.
Also, it occurs to me that there is totally a picture of a penis in this commercial. I can’t remember ever laughing about that as a child. Was I not immature enough? I wonder if they’re still allowed to air that. I’ve heard that they aren’t even allowed to show Homer Simpson’s butt in new episodes, but that’s America so who knows.
Anyway, I’m only giving this one Three out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. And most of that is for those sideburns.
“Honestly, you Canadian kids.” In my previous reviews of Canadian Heritage Moment things I have mentioned that I feel the most important aspect of them is their quotability. This one is made up of nothing but awesome quotes. “With glasses, you know, a secret identity”, “That’s it, a bullet. He’s faster, no, he’s faster than a speeding bullet” “Fly no, but he can leap over tall buildings”, “See what your cousin Frank says in Toronto” and so many more! Other countries: If you ever suspect someone of being a Canadian spy, quote this and see how they react.
Anyway, this one is about young Canadian Joe Shuster in Cleveland in 1931. He’s explaining an idea he has had for a comic strip about a powerful superhuman man who, of course, turns out to be Superman himself, father of the modern superhero! I love the way the whole thing is staged. Shuster is rambling excitedly to a woman named Lois who is trying to make sure he doesn’t miss a train, but he just won’t shut up about his idea because he is so happy with it. “This guy is faster than anything, I swear!” he says it like he’s talking about a real dude. It’s just a fun setup. Wikipedia doesn’t tell me who this woman is meant to be, saying that Lois Lane of the comics was based on a woman called Joanne Carter. In all likelihood the Lois of the commercial is a fictional friend of Shuster used to help drive home the point that Superman is being created and, indeed, this exact scene probably never played out in the real world, but as a piece of country morale boosting for Canada, it just works so well.
To top it all off, we end with a bit of the Superman movie theme as we see the original Superman sketch (ostensibly we’re not meant to know who he is talking about when we first see the commercial, but my first seeing it was too long ago for me to judge it with that bit of mystery still intact). This is some solid gold kryptonite over here (only it does not remove superpowers). I’m giving it Five and a Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. Quite probably this is one of the best of these commercials.
Hey, I’m reviewing another Canadian Heritage commercial! This time we’ve got a bunch of Irish kids whose parents died on the trip to North America and some Quebecois families who take them in. That’s nice. But there’s a catch! The kids are to take on the family names of their new guardians! HORROR! But when the kids tearfully point out that they’d rather keep the names that represent their real lineage, everybody is like “That’s cool”. There’s really only one line in this one that I can see being especially quotable and that is “No! We have to keep our Irish names!” though I admit that as a bearer of the name Patrick, I’ve had “Patrick, Patrick O’Neil” thrown my way more than once. I would imagine that anyone named Molly Johnson heard about this one on a regular basis. I have never been able to make out the name of the adorable little girl, though. Katrine Ryan? Kathleen O’Royem? Katya Nguyen? Yeah, that’s probably the one.
So we’ve got a story about Canadians letting orphans keep their identity and a mild quotability quotient. What else is there to say? Well, I like the soundtrack to this one. It’s starts with that ominous churchy sound and at the end when everything is happy is turns into a lively jig. Way to play, music. Plus, Molly’s new dad has a glorious moustache. All in all, I’m going to hand out Four And A Half Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake for this one. It entertains and educates, I guess.
But why did Molly’s mother care so much about keeping her name that it was apparently the last thing she spoke to her daughter about? I mean, when Molly grows up, she’s liable to get married and I doubt they were letting women keep their own names in those days so basically if she finds true love Molly is going to have to defy her mother’s dying wish? Great! Way to mess with your daughter’s head there, Mrs. Johnson.
This here is my least favorite of the Canadian Heritage Minute things. That last line is just so stilted and unnatural that it sucks any joy from me that might have been gained from Canada’s helping the world get its human rights on. I mean, I understand that they are trying to stress that John Humphrey is Canadian, but the way the lady said “Isn’t that the CANADIAN who actually wrote the declaration of human rights?” just makes me cringe. People don’t talk like that. Realistically she’d say “Say, isn’t that the guy who wrote the declaration of human rights?” specifying his nationality makes it sound like she’s impressed a Canadian can write anything at all. It’s like “Isn’t that the gorilla who can do sign language?” or “Isn’t that the bear that can ride a bicycle?”
And the best thing about these little pieces of propaganda is the lines that get stuck in your brain and you carry them with you throughout the rest of your life. That line is the only one in this Minute that fulfills that requirement and it sucks. Poor John P. Humphrey.
Anyway, for that reason this Canadian Heritage Minute gets only One out of Six Pieces of PDR’s Reviewing System Cake. That is all.
