Now, I don’t want to alienate any of the people in my audience who have chosen the Criminal Lifestyle, but I’ve had a thought formulate over the last year or so. It goes something along the lines of this: If you’ve done a crime, let us say you’ve robbed a bank for example, and you get arrested and put on trial for this and you plead “not guilty” and try to fight the charges. If you do that, I think you’re a bit of a jerk.

Now, the argument could be made that you’re already a jerk because you robbed the bank. Sure. Fair enough. But if you get caught and you did it, trying to get out of it by wasting the court’s time adds to your jerkhood. I’m all for trials to ensure that innocent people don’t get put in jail, but come on, you know you did it. You were there. And sure, you don’t want to go to prison. Who would? But that’s no reason to lie. Quit being so selfish! You were being selfish when you robbed that bank and look where that got you!

So maybe there should be an additional charge for people who are guilty but plead not guilty. Like, in addition to the robbery charges you get another year added to your sentence for wasting everybody’s time. Except that would probably just make things harder for people who actually are not guilty but they can’t prove it, so that’s no good. Man. Criminals are jerks.