Usually Patrick D Ryall does not make New Year’s Resolutions. This year, he is going to go against that trend. This year: Patrick D Ryall is making a New Year’s Resolution! Alert the newsmedia! Do it quick!
Are you prepared?
You had better be, because here it is:
This year, Patrick D Ryall is not going to buy ANY nails! None! At all!!!
THIS YEAR, I WILL NOT BUY ANY NAILS!
You may be in shock. Probably you are. Just take a deep breath and sit down for a while. Remain calm.
I made a resolution this year. It is as follows:
I WILL WIN THE LOTTERY.Hopfully a big one. Like 30 Million. I really need it. If I win I’ll buy a midget and dress him up just like me and have him follow me everywhere. It will be EPIC!!!!
Does this resolution apply to fingernails?
I like the idea of a resolution based on random chance. Because then you’re really making a resolution for the universe and if the universe fails, that’s pretty massive.
And I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to say if my resolution applies to fingernails. I shall have to ask the Pope if it is too late to add specifics to my resolution. The Pope is in charge of that right? Yeah, I bet he is.