Robexor was walking around on the bottom of the ocean and making records of the various shipwrecks he came across as he had been for the last few months when an idea process began in his computronic mind.
It had been a long time since he had been on the surface, he thought, maybe the world up there would be more to his liking now. There were too many variables for him to say for certain whether or not those insipid human things had not destroyed themselves or not. If they had, Robexor would certainly be able to enjoy himself back on the dry land. With that in mind he began walking towards the part of the world which his sensors told him was San Francisco.
As he neared the land he could see pollution that appeared too recent and then he saw boats trafficking overhead. Alas, the humans were still around. But at this point the idea of seeing the surface was one that he was looking forward to, so he continued unabated.
As he walked onto the shore he noted that dense clouds were melting overhead. He was mildly disappointed by the fact that he would not get to witness the sun glittering off of his wonderful metallic body. But seeing the water droplets hit him and bounce off was a pleasing enough change from his months of full submergence that he did not let the lack of sun sadden for long.
San Francisco was before him. Judging by its condition Robexor felt confident that humanity was probably still around the rest of the world as well. Oh well. He wandered around looking for something of interest.
For the first few minutes he wandered past humans going about what was, no doubt, a regular routine of rising from their preposterous state of sleep then busying themselves with menial little tasks that made no sense to one as complex as Robexor. The humans were such unimaginative little creatures who lived their lives within rigid little patterns. Robexor felt bad for them more than he disliked them, really. But he still disliked them.
Robexor spent the better part of the day cycle wandering back and forth across the city until a loud explosion downtown registered on his sound detectors. Wondering what could have caused it, he activated his rocketlegs and soared in the direction of the disturbance alighting at the very rim of a smoking crater.
Standing on the other edge of the crater was the only thing that vexed Robexor as much as the humans. It was other robots. The Robotic Raiders, to be exact. A gang of robots intent on killing all organic life and founding a proud Robot Earth upon the decaying remains. They considered themselves freedom fighters. Robexor considered them crazies.
Their leader, Cybo was holding a smoking supercannon and his robo cronies were looking on performing their vicious laughter routines. Cybo noticed the visitor across the crater.
“Hail, Robexor, mightiest of robots! What fortuitous fortune that we are fortunate enough to encounter you here!”
“Silence you simpering example of artificial unintelligence. For what reason are you attacking this human city?”
“Duh!” shouted Shooter P, Cybo’s most loyal toadie. “We’re killin’ humans!”
Cybo raised one of his arms to silence Shooter P and continued to focus on Robexor. He said “You know our stance on organic beings, Robexor. You feign surprise and show hypocrisy all at once. Your deathbeams are not inexperienced in the act of destroying human cities.”
“Yeah!” shouted Shooter P.
Robexor began slowly walking around the crater. In spite of their brave fronts, several of the Robotic Raiders began to back away.
“Hypocrite, am I?” Robexor spoke calmly. “I think not. I admit that I have, at times turned my weaponry on the humans…”
“Then why do you hate us?” asked Cybo, the only one still standing his ground, but he betrayed his nervousness as he adjusted his grip on the supercannon ever so slightly. “If anything you should join us, O Great Robexor. Among the robots of the new Robot Earth, you would surely be a king! Your disdain for the humans is no different than ours.”
“Ah, but it is,” Robexor now passed the halfway point of the crater. Several of the more cowardly Raiders decided their presence here wouldn’t be missed and quietly slunk away. “The differences, little Cybo, are not so subtle that you should miss them. First and foremost, my anger never extends to all organic life as yours does. Only the humans, who should know better should fear my wrath. But that is a minor difference compared to he second: My attacks on humanity are crimes of passion. I get angry. I get sad. I attack when I am afraid and when I grow incensed. But not you…
“You and this rabble of yours desire only the systematic destruction of life. You lack imagination. You’re stupid machines following programs. You aren’t thinking.
“Cybo, you were created by an evil human government to destroy enemies. I grant you points for destroying that government first, but you are still on the very course they laid out for you. And Shooter P here, were you not created to be an ideal assassin for a wealthy drug lord? Over there. Frog-Head. Created by a mad scientist to kill intruders the moat around his science castle. And there, trying to sneak away are you, Vikingor? You were created for the sole purpose of pillage.
“Not one of you has had an original thought in your existence. You aren’t robots. Why, you’re practically humans!”
The Raiders were silent. Robexor was now before Cybo, looking down on him. Human police and firemen had gathered near the crater, but were afraid to come close to the scene for all the robots.
Seeing that Cybo had nothing to say, Robexor continued. “Has it never occurred to you fools that you have no need to hurry? If you want a world without humans, all you need to do is wait them out? They won’t be here as long as you. Well?”
Cybo pulled the trigger and the supercannon spurt forth fire, heat and shrapnel into Robexor’s chest. The great robot’s weight shifted as the earth beneath him began to give. But he did not fall back. He swung his arm and Cybo’s head flew across the street.
Swiftly his deathbeam swept across the scene and every Robotic Raider still in the area was on the ground in at most two pieces. They would repair themselves, Robexor knew, but for the time being, let the humans attempt to contain these vandals.
He turned to the human rescuers and activated his megaspeakers. “Humans! Come rescue your fallen! These robots will bother you no more today.”
Robexor strode across the street as the police and paramedics and firemen ran to the scene. One man, a police chief Robexor assumed from his uniform, walked alongside Robexor for a moment.
“We sure are glad you were in town,” the human said awkwardly. “Thanks for stopping those bad robots.”
“Thanks are not necessary. But I must go now. I have to get back to what I was doing.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“Waiting,” Robexor replied.
Patrick D Ryall, the D is for Creamy