I’d believe the world’s governments had made contact with alien life if any of them ever acted like they thought higher powers might exist.

If anyone ever tries to pay me for my twitter posts I will take it as a cry for help and tell your loved ones you are at rock bottom.

I figure there musta been a real person out there named Fern Gully when that movie happened and I wonder how that affected their life.

Another month has passed without Hollywood announcing a gritty Mummies Alive reboot.

I spent so many years vacillating between “there’s no way it was real” and “it was real and if I ever find it I’ll surprise the world who never noticed” and never once did I consider “it was his foot.”