Why are so many eagles embarrassed about their knees? We need to improve eagle’s self esteem.

Y’know, I’m starting to think that being a devout anti-capitalist isn’t even a good way to make money.

I just witnessed two of my professors walking down my street together! Conspiracy!

If I’m ever playing cards and someone says “Read ’em and weep” I will actually break down crying. I bet that’ll make them uncomfortable.