Yo, why don’t ducks be sittin on wires like pigeons? Start doin that ducks.

3:01 AM - 30 Dec 2013

I want it in my will that anyone who shaves their head during my funeral is given five dollars.

11:08 PM - 28 Dec 2013

I work hard at being a very boring person. The fact I have a bunch of anecdotes from this year explains why I can’t wait for it to end.

1:51 PM - 24 Dec 2013

Now to use up all the hashtags I meant to use in 2013 but did: #jazzhands #BunsFactory #distemper #Romney2012 #HiGhosts #MoreLikeCanadumb #H

2:25 PM - 23 Dec 2013

Horsies have hair on their head and neck called a “mane”. #horsies

1:39 AM - 22 Dec 2013