It's a Micro Adventure: One More Delay
: "My aunt has been shot! She's dying in hospital, and it's all my fault!"
: "How's it your fault?"
: "He shot her, I'll bet."
: "No, it was some hitman the Kingpin hired."
: "Right. So it's the Kingpin's fault."
: "No, it's Tony Stark's fault."
: "What?"
: "Tony had Captain America shot, he probably had your aunt shot too, as payback for you turning against him."
: "Come on, Luke, that doesn't make any sense. Why would Tony do that?"
: "Danny, ever since the Civil War started, everything bad has been Tony's fault. The Superhuman Registration Act..."
: "...that the government is responsible for."
: "...the cyborg clone of Thor..."
: "Didn't Reed and Hank make him?"
: "....Captain America's assassination...."
: "Latest news is that was Sharon Carter. Seems like it was another messy break-up that got way out of hand."
: "...and now your aunt getting shot. It's probably Tony who keeps coming around here, using the toilet without flushing, too."
: "No, that was all me."
: "Wow, Luke is right! It is all Tony's fault! If he hadn't convinced me to unmask in front of the world, none of this would ever have happened."
: "Didn't your wife and aunt also convince you to do it?"
: "Well, yeah, but I don't want to blame them. And I need money to pay the hospital bills. Tony has money, and it's my job to beat and or guilt it out of him."
------- Later, at the Stark Tower -------
: "There's going to be a Red Hulk? Seriously?"
: "....why?"
: "Something to do with the Anger Force, apparently."
: "Anger Force? Is that a joke?"
: "No, I read it online, so it must be true."
: "Tony, it's your fault my aunt is dying!"
: "Hey, I haven't been brainwashed into killing or wounding anyone in months. Months!"
: "Well, no, you didn't do it personally."
: "So she was injured by a faulty Stark product? If you check the small print, I think you'll see I'm not liable for any injuries suffered."
: "No, it wasn't like that either."
: "...then what happened?"
: "The Kingpin hired some hitman who shot her."
: "....how's any of that my fault?"
: "You convinced me to unmask, if not for that, this would never have happened, none of my enemies would know who I am!"
: "Except for the Green Goblin, Venom, Chameleon, Jackal, Puma, the new Venom who used to be Scorpion..."
: "But none of them would just hire some dude to shoot my aunt!"
: "Seriously, Puma knows?"
: "I'm blaming you for this."
: "No-one held a gun to your head and made you unmask. You chose to do it."
: "........but then this is all my fault! I can't live with her death being my fault! Use your wealth to save her!"
: "I'm afraid that healing someone from a gunshot wound is beyond medical science, and the abilities of the superhuman community."
: "Then at least pay the hospital bills! You owe me that much!"
: "I can't help a wanted fugitive. I should have already arrested you and thrown you in prison by now."
: "You can't just throw me in prison without a trial. I have rights!"
: "Have you actually read the Superhuman Registration Act? It over-rules all other law. You now only have two rights: The right to a cell in the Negative Zone prison, and the right to shut up."
: "This is getting me nowhere. Someone else must be able to help."
------- Back at Strange's Sanctum -------
: "Well, that was useless, Tony won't help me. And I don't know anyone else at all who's rich."
: "That's got to suck."
: ".........."
: "You should try asking Jameson for the money."
: "I already tried that."
: "You should've known that wouldn't work."
: ".........."
: "And I really don't know anyone else who's rich at all."
: "What about Norman Osborn? You know him."
: ".........."
: "Or Daredevil? He's got money."
: ".........."
: "Yeah! Daredevil! I'll try asking my old buddy Daredevil! Thanks, guys!"
: "Why wouldn't either of you guys help him?"
: "Hey, he's your friend, not mine. How do I know if I'll ever get the money back?"
------- The next day -------
: "Dammit, guys, you have to help me! This is getting even worse!"
: "What, Daredevil wouldn't help?"
: "I never even got to see him. I was on my way, when the freaking Devil showed up."
: "....the Devil?"
: "Yeah. The Devil. And he's all 'play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your aunt'."
: "That's not good."
: "No, it wasn't. So me and my wife MJ, we played the first thing that came to our heads, and it just so happened to be..."
: "The best song in the world?"
: "No. It was Who Let The Dogs Out?."
: "Ha! Now you're really screwed."
: "But he offered to trade my marriage for my aunt's life."
: "So, what, she'd be married to the Devil instead of you?"
: "No, he'd re-write history so that we'd just never have been married, and wouldn't remember any of it."
: "Thereby triggering two divergent timelines, one in which you remain married, and one in which history is altered, and you do not."
: ".........shut up, Logan. Can't you just call up the X-Men and get one of your mutant students to do some healing?"
: "We have a pretty high student-turnover rate, due to all the ones that keep dying. I don't know if we have any healers left."
: "Can't you at least call?"
: "OK, I'm calling the X-Men for you."
--------------
: "X-Men! Whaddaya want?"
--------------
: "Hey, bub, it's Logan. There any healers left at the school?"
--------------
: ".....no idea, bub."
--------------
: "Knows what he's talking about, that dude."
: "So the X-Men can't help me either? Now I have no choice but to deal with the Devil."
: "Or you could just let your aunt die, and stay married."
: "Indeed, you've thought she's died at least twice before. You should be used to it by now."
: "BUT THIS TIME IT'S MY FAULT!!!!"
: "Or you can save your aunt, and say goodbye to your sex life."
: "Hey, I could totally have 'girl problems' and love triangles again."
: "Aren't you a little too old now to go back to living the way you did when you were a teenager?"
: "Yeah, you can't go back to dating students again without looking like the creepy older guy."
: "But this way no-one has to die. It's the only choice I can make! I'll just let my wife and aunt know what I'm doing."
: "Don't do it. The Devil will only screw you over and your aunt will die anyway. Didn't you see my movie?"
: "No, I was too busy being a fugitive from the law."
: "You didn't? I'm holding you personally responsible if I don't get sequels!"
: "I have to go! I have to deal with the Devil!"
: "I'm warning you, it's exactly what happened with me. Deal with the Devil, and she'll die in a motorcycle stunt anyway."
: "....motorcycle stunt? What would my aunt be doing motorcycle stunts for?"
------- Hospital -------
: "Kill me."
: "Don't worry, Aunt May, everything's going to be OK."
: "Let me die. Let the pain stop."
: "It's going to be OK. I'm going to make a deal with the Devil."
: "What? You're selling your soul?"
: "No, I'm trading him our marriage for Aunt May's life."
: ".....are you retarded or something?"
: "No, I was going to talk to you about it, but I was sure you'd agree with it."
: "Peter, he's the Devil. He won't play fair."
: "Oh, I'll play fair. I promise."
: "See, MJ? He promised."
: "........"
: "I'll even give you one last day together, because I'm such a nice guy. Use it wisely."
: "Deal!"
: "It's a deal indeed. Your marriage will die, your aunt will live."
: "......words fail me."
------- 24 hours later -------
: "Peter, we had one day left, and you've been gone all the time. I never saw you at all!"
: "I know, I'm sorry. Norman Osborn was digging up my parents' graves."
: "......why?"
: "I never really thought to ask."
: "And that was more important than me? Than us?"
: "Hey, you knew from Day One that my being Spider-Man was more important than us!"
: "And now it's all over, and we won't remember any of this."
: "Any of what? Who are you, anyway?"
------- 24 hours later -------
: "So, Peter, did you save your aunt?"
: "Well, I made a deal with the Devil to save her, and sure, she was all fine again, but then the day after, she died. Attempting a motorcycle stunt. What the H*ll, man? What the H*ll??!?!"
: "I told you so!"
: "#@&%>&^#!!!!!"
The above is a parody. All characters ™ © Marvel Comics.
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