It's not Austen. Here's why, and here's what Austen's #500 would be like. [SPOILERS]
> > > > > Should Bendis ever write Avengers someday, I certainly intend to do so. I'm a big fan of his.
> > > > >
> > > > He's the new writer on Avengersstarting with next issue. 
> > >
> > > Oh, you believe that too, huh?
> >
> > Well, that's what it says on the credits.
>
> It's a scam, man. It's all a scam.
No, and here's why you're wrong/crazy/nuts. There's nowhere near enough
sex/religion-bashing/discussion-of-sex-at-the-most-stupid-times. Here's
how #500 would surely be reading if Austen was still writing it:
(major spoilers for #500 below the SPOILER BARRIER below, despite the Austen-isation)
N
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E
?
: "Man, I really wanna do Viper."
: You too, huh?
: "Don't forget about me, dammit!"
: "There's somebody at the door!"
: "Let's see who it is!"
: "You can go alone, Ant-Man II. Nobody else wants to die this early on."
: *sings to self* "Ant-Man II, he'll make that girl from Alias squeal, he's a cool super-hero with a mask of steel!"
*Ant-Man II opens the door to find Jack of Hearts outside*
: "Zombie Jack...want...eat...brains..."
: "Jack? You're alive? Sort-of, anyway?"
: "Yeah. You wanna do it before or after I kill you all?"
*Jack blows up the Mansion, killing himself and Scott*
: "Damn."
: "Yeah, sucks to be them. You wanna do it?"
*In the UN building*
: "I hate you, Latveria! And Wakanda as well! And the church, too!"
: "Indeed, religion doth be the source of all evil upon Midgard."
: "Yea, verily!"
: "Word."
: "We've got to go! I...uh..that is...uh...someone just blew up the Mansion!"
: "I suspect Pym's evil hand in this."
: "What? It can't be me, I was busy beating my..."
: "Don't you dare say it."
: "There's just no way I can finish that sentence and look good, is there?"
: "Wha? Were am I? Man, I'm so wasted..."
*back at the Mansion*
: "I am sick of people smashing my mansion!"
: "It's MY
Mansion! I just let you live here! Unless you're fat and ugly, or a
female knock-off of a male hero, in which case I'll put a repulsor
through your face..."
: *hide*
: "Hey, look, it's Vision! And he's been taking Quinjet flying lessons from Daredevil!"
*Vision crashes the Quinjet on the Mansion*
: "Damn."
: "Yeah, that sucks. You wanna do it?"
*Vision walks out and starts melting*
: "Damn."
: "Yeah, that sucks. You wanna do it?"
: "Ultrons Five, I choose you!"
*Vision spits 5 Ultrons at the Avengers*
: "Avengers! Welcome to die!"
: "She-Hulk SMASH Vision!"
*She-Hulk rips Vision in half*
: "Damn."
: "Yeah, that sucks. You wanna do it?"
: "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home!"
: "This is all the church's fault, somehow..."
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