Messiah Crusade: It's a Micro Adventure!
Yes, it's the first new Micro Adventure since 2007. Translations provided by Babelfish. This Micro Adventure should not be read by people who are offended by things.
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: "Bishop War Journal, entry #785, commence...."
: "After the failure of my alliance with Stryfe, I attempted alliances with several other enemies of Cable, from Omega Red..."
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: "I defeat all man!"
: "But not babies, it seems."
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: "to Genesis..."
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: "So you say Cable loves this baby he found more than he ever cared about me?
: "Yes, doesn't that make you want to kill her?"
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: "to Carnage..."
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: "I thought you said you were good at killing babies?"
: "When some random baby is right in front of me, sure. But finding one specific baby? In the future? You're on your own there."
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: "To Deathbird"
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: "Just go, Bishop, I'm married to Vulcan now."
: "What's he got that I haven't?"
: "Two arms? The Shi'Ar Empire?"
: "OK, point."
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: "Inevitably, they all eventually turned against me. The Sentinel did in less than a minute."
: "And every time I went after Cable alone, I failed, or choked at the last minute, and couldn't bring myself to kill a baby."
: "So I toughened myself up, by travelling to another timeline, where I had a child with Deathbird."
: "And then I killed that child, because if I could kill my own baby, surely I can kill some random super-baby Cable found."
: "Wow, that's......101001010010.....monstrous."
: "No, it just made me tougher, stronger, more prepared for the mission."
: "......yeah."
: "But Cable always finds allies, so that's why I need to recruit my own squad of allies I can trust, which is why I tracked you down to the Exiles' palace."
: "You came all this 100010100100011 way just to find me?"
: "Of course, you're the smartest person I know, I need your help to catch that baby."
: "How did you lose that eye?"
: "Wolverine clawed it out."
: "And the arm?"
: "A big monster ate it. I blame Wolverine."
: "Well, we'd better get the 1001001001001001010 out of this 101001001 palace before the others show up."
: "What others? This place is deserted."
: "Them!"
: "You can never leave! One of us! One of us!"
: "Ha! I can handle these losers."
: "No, you can't fight them, there's only one way out!"
: "One of us! One of us!"
: "You've got to walk away. Completely ignore them."
: "What?"
: "Walk. Don't look 10001001000101 back. Don't even turn around to flip them off."
: "Pay no attention to them again and they'll just get cancelled again. It's the only way to escape them."
: "But...want...to...shoot them....so much..."
: "NoooOOOOoooooOOO! Come back!"
: "Just keep walking. We're almost 1010010010101 there. And who else are you recruiting for this team?"
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: "Me? Are you kidding? I don't even have any powers anymore!"
: "Don't you still have that New Warriors gear?"
: "No, I sold it so I could buy food. Times are hard since the X-Men kicked me out."
: "So wait, why are we recruiting her if she's 100010100100011 useless?"
: "The element of surprise. No-one will expect her. And if she can still hold a gun, or take a bullet meant for me, she's not useless."
: "Don't make me fight without my powers, I could get killed!"
: "You never used to be such a pathetic coward."
: "I used to have my powers. And Wolverine on my side."
: "But never in your bed."
: "One day. Just you wait and see."
: "If it comes down to it, we can at least throw her at Logan and make him hesitate."
: "I thought we were hunting 1010100010101 Cable, not Wolverine."
: "Wolverine always shows up. I was thousands of years in the future, and he still came after me."
: "And surely there's only one person you could turn to as the final 1010100101 member of our group."
: "No, not him. I don't want him around."
: "But the two of you are like a team! Like mis-matched buddy cops!"
: "Where is he these days, anyway?"
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: "Gambit, get back to work! This trailer-park isn't going to build itself, and Rogue needs somewhere to live on this island!"
: "Gambit, he be not likin' dis X-Men island already, an' he sick of takin' orders from Frost."
: "Unterhalt auf Rollen Rollen Rollen!"
: "They let this guy stay here? Now dat be too much, Gambit, he gon' put de stop to it!"
: "Oh! Mein Auto! Achtung! Franzose, der Führer zerstört Sie für dieses."
: "Gambit! You wrecked Hitler's car! What did he ever do to you?"
: ".....start World War 2?"
: "That was decades ago, you weren't even born back then. I can't believe you care."
: "Oh, Gambit, he care."
: "Get over it. What did he ever do to you personally?"
: "........nothing?"
: "Exactly. So you apologise. And you're going to have to pay to get the car fixed, too."
:"Ha ha ha!"
“”
: "Gambit ain't never apologising to him, I gar-on-tee."
: "Then you're fired from the X-Men."
: "Danke, Herr Frost."
: "What? You can't be doin' dis to Gambit!"
: "No, but I can. And it looks like it's I tell you to leave, or I'll be sleeping on the couch again. So you're fired."
: "Yay thanks Scott."
: "You could stay with us, Scott."
: "Oh yay!"
: "OMG he is so Teh Hott!"
: "Get away from my Cyclops, you harlots!"
: "What's wrong with you girls? Do I look like Colossus to you?"
: "Where's Kitty? She back Gambit up on hatin' Hitler."
: "She's dead, you idiot."
: "We don't know that for sure."
: "Oh, come on, she's either suffocated or starved inside that bullet. Or it's finally hit something. Look how much time has passed since we abandoned her in space."
: "You don't have to sound so happy about it."
: "Of course I do. With her and your brat daughter gone, (also abandoned in space, no less) there's no-one left here to stand up to me."
: "No-one except Gambit."
: "Get out of here, you eunuch."
: "Ha ha, Franzose, habe ich mehr hoden als Sie!"
: "I hope you both get fleas."
: "Ah, Gambit, there you are."
: "What you be wantin', Quicksilver?"
: "Well, I was looking to hire a eunuch to work as a bodyguard for my sisters, and everyone here told me you were the man for the job."
: "What?"
: "Yes, they said Apocalypse made you his chief eunuch. Oh, I laughed for hours."
: "Horseman of Death! I was his Horseman of Death!"
: "So, what, he just castrated you for his amusement?"
: "Yeah, jus' for laughs. Gambit, he not like to talk about it."
: "Well, do you want the job? I need some worthless eunuch to beat up creepy men who go anywhere near my sisters. Like that Havok guy..."
: "Get away from me, Pietro."
: "Well, do you at least know where I could find the Silver Surfer?"
: "I said get away from me! Gambit got nowhere to go now, he not needin' you mockin' him."
: "Gambit, we need you for an important mission to save the world by killing a baby!"
: "Killin' a baby, Bishie? So you a bad guy now, chere?"
: "I'm not bad guy, it's an evil baby. This is fate of the world stuff! And don't call me 'chere'"
: "If Gambit, he be helpin' you, he be callin' you 'chere' all he wants, chere. And I better be gettin' a medal for this."
: If that's what it takes, here, have my XSE medal."
: "Bishie, you had me at 'killing a baby'"
: "I've built a 100010100101 machine that will bring us to wherever in the 100100100101 timeline Cable is."
: "But what if Cable shoots us?"
: "You spineless wimp, just follow my plan, and it'll all work out."
: "You have a 10001000101001 plan this time."
: "Of course. The plan is: Catch the baby. Catch the baby, now."
: ".....that's the whole plan? Hehhehehehheh. We be doomed."
---------- Hours Later ----------
: "You incompetant fools! Gambit, this is all your fault!"
: "Well how were we supposed to be knowin' de baby, she wasn't no baby any more, yes? You couldn't have told us dis?"
: "Or that she would have special 10010100101 powers that would stop us all?"
: "I knew I'd get hurt! I just knew it!"
: "Stop your complaining! All this means is it's time for Plan B!"
: "What's Plan 00010100101001 B?"
: "Catch the baby. Now."
The above is a parody. All characters ™ © Marvel Comics.
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