I have been brushing my teeth for decades. I have been using this one sink in my apartment for something like nine years. After all that time and all that experience, when am I going to stop spitting on the faucet? This happens at least once a month.

In the interest if keeping track of all the dream cliches I manage to experience I will point out that I had a nap today in which I dreamed my teeth were falling out. I’ve always heard that that is one of the very most popular dreams people can have, but I’d never had one so far as I can remember.

Full disclosure: My teeth didn’t actually fall out, but they were trying to and I had to keep my jaw clenched so they would stay where they are. I was all talking through my teeth while trying to arrange a dental appointment. That counts right? Right? Yeah, probably that counts.

One thing that sucks: When you bite into something and it turns out to be crunchy, but you didn’t think it would be. I don’t know, like, ice cream or something. You’re expecting a regular dose of soft serve and suddenly your teeth are crushing something. No, this has not happened to me. I just thought of it for some reason. If it does happen to me soon, this paragraph proves that I am psychic.

Haiku!

Hamburger tango!
Can you not feel the glory?
Today is Friday.

My Internet is running slowly just now. I wonder if twenty thousand doctors are all trying to log onto the Internet at once for medical advice about some sudden epidemic of a disease where people’s hair has nerve endings in it. That would cause Internet slowdown.

Anyway, that’s it until I’m back from the New York.

I was told by my mother this week that I had an almost full mouth of teeth by the time I was a year old. From the context it would appear that this is impressive. I now consider it one of my first superhuman powers.

Can you, like, rent your soul to Satan? Like say I give it two him for a week (but it has to be back before midnight) and I get a weeks worth of my wish? Like I could have Superman powers for a week but I lose them at midnight when I get my soul back? Of course as a soulless man I might use Superman powers in a totally different way than I want to, but it’ll be an interesting experiment nonetheless.