Zunkpork

A largely humanoid species that evolved in a planet in a distant galaxy, the Zunkpork has developed technology capable of backing up their memories into computers, then growing new cloned bodies to house those memories when one of them dies. The clones are not considered to be the original person reborn, but is seen as a new person with the same memories. Numbers are assigned to the names of the new clones to designate how far down the line they are. No natural reproduction continues for the species any longer.

The Zunkpork have also spread into space and explored their galaxy, conquering some smaller species and forcing them to live under the rule of the Zunkpork Empire. The Zunkpork Empire was glimpsed in one Space Army comic, and then again when Little Choy insulted one of them, as is his wont.

Jogday 22 works in the Zunkpork Empire’s communications department. With an Empire that spans many planets, it is important to keep contact if the Emperor’s rules are going to be followed. Jogday simply does not care. Jogday will neglect to send important messages, will make up messages that were never sent, and in one case even posed as the Emperor and had Zunkpork forces evacuate a colonized planet just so they would stop sending messages. If anyone ever found out about any of this, Jogday would be punished. Luckily, nobody who investigates the problems ever seems to get the results of their inquiries.

Coquine 7, as can be judged by the single-digit number, is a survivor. Only six Coquines have died since the backup technology was invented, and every one has lived a fulfilling life. While not a bad person, Coquine has let this inflate their ego a bit, and does boast about survival skills and longevity to others. Ironically, this has led more than one person to daydream about killing Coquine just to prove a point, though luckily none have let this gone beyond fantasy. So far, anyway…

Stosus 46 lives in the shadow of predecessor Stosus 45. 45 was a criminal, executed for their crimes, but because of the rules of Zunkpork society, that did not prevent a clone from being made. Though 46 is considered another, different individual, all of 45’s memories are still in there. 46 definitely remembers the thrill of living as a criminal, but does not actually want to repeat the mistakes. But still, others look at Stosus and remember the last one they encountered, who was not quite as nice, and treat Stosus accordingly. With acquaintances like these, it isn’t easy to keep on the right track.

A Fact About the Zunkpork: Though they may look spongy or flabby, Zunkpork’s skin is actually hard like crystal and quite cool to the touch. If shattered, their skin takes a very long time to heal.

Universe: Bronze

“There is more to life than this crazy, sick-headed preoccupation with honey, honey, honey, everything for honey—and death to anybody who can’t make honey!”

Listen: Kurt Vonnegut is probably my favorite author. I don’t like choosing favorites, but if I had to, he’s the one I’d pick. So when I learned this week that a previously unpublished Vonnegut Story was just put online, I was very happy. When I learned it was about a beekeeper… Well, that’s a thrill I will probably never see replicated.

Vonnegut Beekeeper! This is a top-priority review!

Now, as the world’s foremost reviewer of fictional beekeepers, I will remain objective here. This, as always, is a review of the beekeeper, not the work in which the beekeeper appears. The beekeeper will be judged on their beekeeping abilities, any supernatural or fighting abilities they have, and their ability to overcome Beekeeper Rage.

Sheldon Quick is our beekeeper here. Around fifty years old, he spends most of his time in the Millennium Club, a club for wealthy gentlemen. But, as the fortune left to him by his father is dwindling, very soon his club membership will end. But for a year or so he has been experimenting on bees with the intent to start a business that will recoup his wealth, and also save an oppressed group: male honeybees.

Quick plans to get rich by using drones, who would have otherwise been killed by their hives after the mating season is done, to send messages, carrier pigeon-style. He is not deterred by the fact that vastly superior communication systems exist. The sympathy he feels for the poor drones is so strong that he feels that alone is reason enough for the venture, which he describes as the “greatest thing in humanitarianism since the New Testament.” He creates a males-only hive (a “Bee Millenium Club”) where the drones get to live without the threat from the females. Like a pigeon returning home, the drones will always return to their club, so they work as couriers of tiny little messages. I mean, the plan fails of course (the drones happen to see a queen fly by and that’s the end of that), but Quick did succeed in setting up the all-male hive.

Quick has some sexist views, that’s for sure. He hides in the Millennium Club because women aren’t allowed in, and he fixates on occasions in nature where females kill males (in addition to the honeybee drones, he mentions praying mantises and tarantulas, as examples). It’s probable that he went through some bad experiences and came through with a lot of hatred. But he is, at least, trying to focus his Rage on a mission that is nice. As he says to the reporters who witness his failure “Report me as a fool, if you must … But report me as a fool with one of the kinder, grander dreams of our time.”

Enough summary. Time for review. Is he a good beekeeper? Well, he manages to run ten hives successfully enough to build up his stock of drones. He has no apparent preternatural connection to most of the bees (they sting him, but he has nothing but contempt for the females anyway), but he gets along with the drones. His experimentation is the sort of thing I like to see fictional beekeepers try (there should always be an element of a mad scientist to a beekeeper). He doesn’t seem like much of a fighter (though he is described as “very tall” so he has a physicality that might allow for physical strength), and though he comes from wealth it is not a lineage of ancient beekeepers or anything great like that. Apart from the experimentation, the most impressive thing about Quick is that he is trying to focus his Rage somewhere constructive.

Three Honeycombs out of Five. He’s a broken man, and his dumb idea fails, but he is a decent beekeeper and he wants to do what he thinks is right. And I feel bad for him.

Pllvmoids

Like the Pllvm, the Pllvmoids are a species of water-dwelling beings that live in the oceans beneath the icy surface of a world. Unlike the Pllvm, the Pllvmoids are a race that has never known war or hatred. We’d consider them childlike, as they are full of curiosity and general good will for others. But that innocent spirit we’d call naivete has served them well, though, as their peaceful existence of seeking knowledge has helped them develop very advanced technology. They have established orbital space stations around their world, but more research has been put into travelling with wormholes.

Pllvmoids have six flexible tentacles and a tail that is less flexible. They also have three eyes. The Pllvmoids don’t have a sound-based language of their own, but for the sake of this post, I will use the names they’d take if they spoke the Pllvm language. I’m sure that’ll make it easier for everyone.

Glibbuvar is one of the scientists working on the Pllvmoid’s wormhole technology, and was the first to visit the Pllvm homeworld when they made contact there. Though contact with the Pllvm was pleasant enough, that was because they met with a small community. When Glibbuvar learned of the corruption that exists in other parts of that world, it was quite a shock. The Pllvmoids now debate the merits of returning to the Pllvm homeworld and trying to help clean them up.

Blrvn Vxs is an astronaut on board one of the Pllvmoid space stations and is personally in charge of maintaining the correct chemical balance in the water there, which is done with the aid of biotechnology. Pllvmoids breathe oxygen and give off carbon dioxide, for example, so Blrvn cultivates a sort of plantlike creature that takes in the carbon dioxide and gives off oxygen at a rate sufficient to be useful. Blrvn prefers the company of such creatures to that of other Pllvmoids, so a position on a space station is somewhat ideal.

Having no form of writing to record information, before the development of technology that could store data, the Pllvmoids memorized complex dances that told the history of their world. These dances are being forgotten as those who knew them die off, but Gunsag Way is devoted to recording as many of them, from around the world as possible.

A Fact About Pllvmoids: All food that Pllvmoids eat is raw, much of it still living.

Universe: Red

I said somewhere on here that I meant for the Pllvm to be as common in the multiverse as humans, so it seems appropriate to me that there would be a species out there that looks like the Pllvm with minor changes to their face, since we see so many aliens that are just humans with different faces. Still, I’ve also given these guys fewer limbs and a different skin color than the Pllvm, but the idea remains.

I feel like I should, for posterity, note on my little web site here that I had to get a new phone. About a week ago, some sort of problem with reading the SIM card thing, so I was unable to make calls and such (this happened during a shift at work, naturally, when calling is important). So anyway, I got a new phone.

But here’s the thing: The new phone has a different kind of SIM card, so the old one doesn’t fit into it. Chances are it wouldn’t have worked anyway, since the SIM was the problem with the old phone, but I thought at the very least it would be able to fit. Isn’t that the point of the SIM card? So that I could take it to the new phone and get my contacts and stuff?

I dunno, whatever. Technology hates me.