2017 Ender

The year of 2016 is coming to a close and the Dark Lord Char’Nagh is here to demolish what came before and hopefully replace it with something better. Hail the Darkness of Char’Nagh!

“This is definitely the year that Secret Government Robots will be ending,” I wrote last year. Oops. I am afraid that after the monetary issues that started my year, I fell out of the habit of doing the comic, and never really got back into it. It’s been a rough year in many ways and I haven’t been as productive as I would have liked. The only real upside, if it can be called that, is that it seems like it has been a rough year for a lot of people, so if nothing else, I am kind of in the zeitgeist. That counts for something, right? Right?

Anyway, I’m going to hopefully get SecGov done for real this year. I’ve actually got about fifty pages pencilled that I “just” need to scan, ink, color, and letter. But that fifty is, I estimate, only about half of what is left. But once I start getting them online, they’ll all follow. Otherwise, what creative energies I did expend in 2016 have been on projects that don’t really have any immediate payoff (as well as the creation of a host of alien species that nobody but me has any interest in). Ideally, in 2017 I will get SecGov done so that, if nothing else, I can feel less guilty when I work on other things. I’ve said it before, but it is a good thing I don’t have an audience craving this stuff or I’d feel even more pressure.

Haiku!

Potatoes for sale!
Get your fresh potatoes here!
But them, you morons!

In other news, the little add-on thing that was putting my Twitter posts onto this site seems to have ceased to function and I have no idea how to replace it. Without those little blurbs, this site seems to have even less content than I can condone. I guess I will have to start to try doing little post here now and then too. Geez. So much work.

Anyway, 2017. Let’s go.

New Sentences!

In the interest of bulking up the amount of content I got onto the site before the year end, here is a bunch of sentences. BUT NOT JUST ANY SENTENCES! This is a list of sentences that, according to Google, are not appearing anywhere else on the Internet and therefore I am cool and original for having thought of them.

Go!:

  • “Never trust the gerbil.”
  • “Humans should colonize Earth.”
  • “Do beavers know what time it is?”
  • “Let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “Don’t let Jesus bake the cake.”
  • “The doctor told me not to touch a butt.”
  • “Shut up about igloos!”
  • “My philtrum is just right.”
  • “Schools need to teach about trilobites.”
  • “The best movies are long movies.”
  • “Osmosis was invented by frogs.”
  • “The internet has sentences on it.”

There! I’m done! What more do you need?

Super Sunday: Humans

Humans

The planet Earth is home to a race that calls itself “Humans”. They are a bipedal mammalian species with two eyes and front limbs that end in five-fingered appendages. They have spread all over the planet, numbering nearly ten billion, and have built city in every type of climate the planet has available. They’ve developed a decent amount of technology, definitely enough that they could be colonizing other worlds, but a vocal amount of humans consider space exploration a “waste of resources” and so instead they’ve focused more on the technologies that help them kill each other.

Several characters who have shown up on Super Sunday before are humans. This includes Bella Harrison, Dan Hastings, Elsa Geheimnis, Jo Melville, and of course, Epic Bro. But that isn’t all. I’ve actually hidden references to “humans” in my Super Sunday stuff since the very beginning. I bet nobody could find them all.

Kyle Durning is an albino, which is a rare condition that effects some Earth creatures, causing them to be born without pigmentation. While this makes him extra sensitive to sunlight, but this hasn’t been much of a problem, because Kyle has just stuck to working night jobs. Currently, he is a security guard working overnight shifts. Some of his co-workers can be scared of deserted buildings in the darkness, but Kyle has never found the night to be anything but comforting.

The daughter of a prominent news anchor, Elizabeth Oickle has lived a decently well-off life so far. In a country called Canada, she has just recently graduated from university after studying various things that she didn’t actually care about. She is now taking a year off to travel the world and “become wise” before she decides how she actually wants to spend her life. Really, though, she wants to spend her life travelling the world and becoming wise. People, her father included, think that is a cop-out answer that she needs to grow out of, but is it really? Elizabeth doesn’t think so.

Rebecca Shirley is the kind of human who the rest of them are kind of embarrassed about. She has devoted her life to trying to help those less fortunate than her. She has created a business in her home town that lets people make their case as to why she should help them. She almost always take the case. Obviously this is not a highly profitable business model, and so far it is only the charity of those she has helped that keeps her from starving. Still, this is how Rebecca chooses to live her life and she will do so until she has fixed the world or starved to death while trying.

A Fact About Humans: Some humans are Beekeepers. This is a special class of humans who have trained to work with an insect species known as “bees”. The beekeepers protect the bees and the bees work to create things like honey. Clearly this particular subsection of humanity is the most impressive.

Universe: Blue

Here’s the thing: I have really enjoyed making a bunch of aliens. I enjoyed it so much that I have enough left over to do another year of it. So I am. 2017 will also be an Aliens Sunday thing. (I already have them scheduled and everything.)

Beekeeper Review: Bartholomew the Bee Man

Nick Carter is a detective who has appeared in all sorts of media since his creation in 1886, starting with novels and going into radio shows and movies and so on. He’s not as successful a detective as the big names in the field, your Sherlocks and Marples and Chans, but he’s done well for himself. But is Nick Carter a Beekeeper? No, Nick Carter is not a Beekeeper. So let’s stop talking about Nick Carter.

In three movies in the 1940s, Carter had an unlikely sidekick. He was Bartholomew the Bee-Man. As far as I can discern, he has only appeared alongside Nick in these movies, which is a damned shame, but it makes it easier for my purposes, given that watching three movies is much easier than tracking a character through a century of miscellaneous stories in multiple mediums. Portrayed by Donald Meek, Bartholomew is the best thing about these films, even without my bias toward Beekeepers.

In the first of the trilogy, “Nick Carter, Master Detective”, we meet Batholomew on his bee farm. It just so happens that Nick Carter moves into an inn next door and Bartholomew, being an avid fan of detectives, recognizes him right away. He takes it as fate that Carter wound up there and insists that they become partners. Nick Carter is annoyed with this funny little man, but there is no shaking the beekeeper. Even when Carter seems to successfully ditch him for the movie’s climax, Bartholomew actually just goes to get help from the authorities. In the following movies, “Sky Murder” and “Phantom Raiders”, Nick softens to the guy, nicknaming him “Beeswax” and, though still finding him odd, is more willing to accept his help as he often proves his worth.

So what are his Beekeeping skills like? Well, he’s quick to leave his business to do detective work. When Carter is trying to get rid of him in the first film, he insists that Bartholomew can’t leave his bees. “Could and would, sir. Can and will,” Bartholomew replies. It seems harsh at first. But we must bear in mind a few facts: He has an assistant. His presence on the honey farm is not required at all times. Also, he is shown to still work on the farm between detective cases in the later films. And finally, Bartholomew lists his priorities as “Carter first, and then the bees, but don’t worry, the choicest ones are here.” And indeed Bartholomew does have bees on his person, in his pockets and under his hat, at all times. In no way is his detective side-job an abandonment of his bees. And for the record, his assistant has a traditional beekeeping costume (Bartholomew doesn’t seem to need one) and he is shown using a smoker and spraying pesticides to stop “little bugs” so the ordinary aspects of the job are not beyond him.

But what of the more supernatural abilities and fighting prowess on which I am really rating these Beekeepers? Well, as I said he carries his favorite bees around and they don’t sting him or anything. In fact, he finds all sorts of uses for them. He can flick them at people so they cause pain, he can put them under locked doors if someone is hiding on the other side, or he can even just use them to signal Carter. It’s not quite the same as actually mentally controlling the bees, but it is sort of impressive. As for his fighting prowess, well, for a character who is, let’s face it, comic relief, he acquits himself well. His hand-to-hand technique may be more of the “ducking out of the way so one enemy accidentally punches the other” variety, but it works. And he has no fear of anyone larger than him or of being outnumbered or, really, of anything (His own words: “The Bartholomew courage never falters”). He’s stealthy when he needs to be, but that’s to gain an advantage, not because he is afraid of getting into a scrap.

Furthermore, as I’ve mentioned before, I consider mystery solving just as “badass” as fighting and Bartholomew is all about it. Introducing himself to Nick he says in the third person, “What is it that sets Bartholomew apart from all the rest? Instinct? No. Intuition? Hardly? An extra little kink in the brain perhaps?” Perhaps! Basically, the thing is, Bartholomew loves brain-work. In the latter movies, Bartholomew is more devoted to the cases than Carter is (especially in “Phantom Raiders” where Nick is really just trying to get laid and Bartholomew periodically has to steer him back to doing his job). Simply put: Bartholomew is a detective because he enjoys catching criminals. And I think that’s cool.

Three out of Four. Bartholomew himself said “I’m a Bee Man, a G-Man, and a he-man” and I think he lives up to all three ideals well.