This Is A Post On My Website

I thought going back to school might give me more to write about on this here site o’ mine, and that is probably correct, but I kinda feel like I have less time to spend saying it. Oh well, let us see if I can’t bang out a post before I have to go to work…

I’ve got homework and tests and stuff now. This is the stuff I hate about school. I love being there and learning stuff. I could happily be sitting in lectures and such all day, but the second I have to start proving to them that I am learning, I start to take umbrage. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before on the site, but I really find that the amount of time I have to spend proving to them that I am learning cuts into the actual amount of learning I do. It’s annoying. I will try, but I won’t enjoy it.

Anyway, something I noticed: Kids these days are sick. Seriously, I don’t know if it is flu season or what, but it seems like the professors can’t get through two sentences in a row without coughing, sniffling, sneezing, or some other sound of illness. Maybe it was like this when I was a student too. Maybe it is always like this in a group of people and I am only noticing now because of how diligent I have managed to avoid groups of people for my adult life. But I can’t sit in these lectures without a constant awareness of how sickly the populace surrounding me apparently is. If I get sick this year I am blaming all these children.

Haiku!

His mother told him
“You should wear your tuxedo.”
So he wore that shit!

Oh hey, I also got my Learner’s Permit thing for learning to drive cars and stuff. It’s been almost half my life since the last time I drove a car, so I don’t know what to expect of me really, but hopefully I’ll learn to drive. Not because I have any actual desire to learn to drive, but because I think it is a thing I will need to know soon. Stupid society always pushing its stuff in my face. Luckily I will basically never be able to afford a car, so I don’t have to worry about that just yet.

An Open Letter To The People Who Make Fake Flowers

To Whom It May Concern,

So, you’re making fake flowers over there I see. Nice work if you can get it. There’s always gonna be people and businesses who want to spruce up their surroundings, but can’t, for reasons ranging from being busy to being lazy, take care of living plants. These are the people who need to get fake plants. So good on you for helping those people to get what they need.

But there is one way I think you’re dropping the ball here. I’ve seen plenty of fake plants over the years. I’ve seen fake plants that look like real plants. I’ve seen fake plants that don’t look very good at all and just look like terribly shabby fake plants. I’ve even seen real plants that looked fake to me, but that has nothing to do with you, so don’t worry about it. But what I’m not seeing in fake plants is what I want most of all: Fake plants that look like real fake plants.

That is to say I want there to be fake plants that are of good quality, that look like real plants, but that are not based on real existing plants. You’re not confined by the laws of nature, fake plant makers, you can do whatever you want. You should be going balls-out crazy when you’re designing fake plants. You can make leaves with a rainbow of colors, or roses that curl around like crazy straws. You have just got to use your imagination. Or, if you don’t have one of those, just drop some acid, hang out in a garden and make note of the trippy flowers you see. Something like that. All I’m saying is that you don’t have to waste your time making fake versions of flowers we already have. Do something new and exciting.

Oh, one last note: I don’t know anything about plants. If you’re already making brand new types of flowers that don’t really exist, I wouldn’t know it. But keep doing it. Just do it cooler.

Peace and Love,
Patrick D Ryall

I didn’t want a sequel

Oh how silly I felt as I reached into my pocket to find not a wallet. Usually that pocket contains a wallet, so not a wallet was not what I had expected. I had already been through the whole lost wallet thing once this year and I thought I’d like it if that was the maximum number of times I did so.

Luckily I found the wallet in my apartment. False alarm everybody. But here is the thing: It seems like every time I take my wallet out of my coat, I lose it. Today I went to the school bookstore to get my superexpensive books for my classes, right? They don’t let you take your bags with you into the bookstore, I assume to prevent stealing (because broke students would clearly benefit from having their superexpensive books for free and we can’t have that), and I left my coat with the bag. I wasn’t wearing the coat, just carrying it around (it is like my security blanket as those who know me already know) so leaving it with the bag made more sense to me than putting it on. Thus, I took my wallet from the coat! Anyway, I guess after I bought the superexpensive books (they were appropriately superexpensive), I stuck my wallet in my pants pocket, gathered my stuff, went home, and dumped my pockets. When I left, I gathered my phone and keys, but not the wallet. What an idiot! What an imbecile!

Anyway, when I went back to the bookstore because I had to buy one more superexpensive book, I didn’t have my wallet. I headed back to the apartment, on the way encountering and petting a black cat. I took the kitty visitation as a sign of good luck and, sure enough, my wallet was found. Hooray. But I’m too tired to go back outside tonight, so I will buy the superexpensive book I still need tomorrow.

Now, you may not have noticed, but I have just used the story of my wallet as a framing device to mask my real point. I think the books I’m buying are a touch expensive. If only we lived in a futuristic age wherein a digital copy of all relevant information could easily be distributed to all who were trying to learn! What a shame it is that that is beyond our technical limitations.