Face Bashed In

I had just finished getting ready for work and was killing the time remaining until my ride got there. It was getting cold, so I decided to close the window. Unfortunately, I had been leaning out the window watching the traffic. I managed to whack the window into my own face. Right on that bony part around the eye.

And to make myself appear even dumber, as I did this I had been singing the theme to the Littlest Hobo and I didn’t stop right away. I was like “Every stop I make, I make a (WHACK) new friend… hey OW!”.

Next time someone tries to tell me I’m not as dumb as I think I am, I have yet another piece of ammunition in my retort.

Taped Babies.

I am a million cremated babies taped together. I was taped together by a witch who wanted to prove it could be done. And once she had done it, she threw me out of her window and forgot about me. Since she forgot about me, she had to start over to prove it could be done again. I considered just walking back in to remind her, but decided against it.

Anyway enough of my Secret Origin. As is usual, I don’t have anything to say (a peril of having a meaningless existence) but I’m going to say stuff anyway. Let’s see….

* Eventually, I hope to own a spaceship. If it is one that I can shrink to about the size of a toy spaceship and then ride around in, I would be even happier.

* I’ve been buying about one of those Set For Life lottery tickets a month for like a year now. I’m that desperate. So far, I am not set for life.

* I noticed today that there’s a website for Alumni from my high school. I don’t feel like signing up now, but maybe someday.

* I can’t think of a way to prove I’m not an alien spy who has undergone hypnosis to think he’s one of the native population.

* Moreover is a great word.

* That is it for now. I’ll have to go to work and all that. I’m going to try to start, like, writing and drawing and crap again soon, so let’s hope that works out.


I saw the Tenacious D movie. Aside from Marq there were only eight other people in the place. It’s a shame. I saw Borat last weekend and it had a much bigger crowd.

I guess the fact that I didn’t even know about the D’s movie two weeks ago could signify a lacklustre hype buildup. More likely it’s just a sign of how out of touch I am now, though.

Also I shaved today. Man that is much more tedious than it works. Maybe as someone who shaves less than once a month these days, I shouldn’t complain about it, but until I have an adamantium razor that runs on magic, I’m probably not going to stop complaining.

Let’s see… I used to think the nighttime security lady was nicer than the daytime security lady, but lately it seems they’re both ornery old women who take their jobs too seriously. But then I still don’t understand why a newspaper printing plant needs twenty-four hour watchmen, a multitude of security cameras, required sign-in for anyone entering the building and passcards that you can’t get in or even out of the building without. And also you need those cards to get from different parts of the building. I admit right now, if I ever find spies from rival paper The Daily News who are curious to know what’s going on in there, I’ll be happy to tell them: We’re printing a freaking paper.

I still loathe my job, by the way.

Do the Sandwich!

Sandwiches that I buy at corner stores never turn out to be good, but I stil keep buying them. Why is that?

Anyway, I slept through Monday. From the time I got home from work, until I had to go to work again, I slept. That sucked. But now I’ve woken up pretty early today. Let’s see what I can accomplish with that.

I Slept Lots.

Yesterday I slept for like sixteen hours. One day on the weekend I slept a total of seventeen, though not all at once. I fear I may be sick or something and my body is trying to fight it. Whatever the case, it sure does eat up my time. And that I don’t care for. But I was late for work last night, which has it’s upsides.


Many Robots Fly.
Some have extendable legs.
Too few have chauffeurs.

I bought a cherry pie a few days back, except when I took it out of the box, it turned out to be a straw-berry rhubarb. I have since righted this gross mis-labeling by eating the strawberry rhubarb and then buying a real cherry.